


A Malady Without a Cure

by Dellessa



Series: Hollow Victories [2]
Category: Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mech-preg, Psychological Trauma, Slavery, Sparklings, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-21
Updated: 2012-05-21
Packaged: 2017-11-05 18:17:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/409494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dellessa/pseuds/Dellessa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Autobots win the war, but not everything is as it should be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Malady Without a Cure

Title:  A Malady Without a Cure   
Verse:  G1/IDW Fusion AU   
Series:  None   
Rating: M   
Warnings: past slavery. slash. sparklings. mech-preg. sticky. dub-con. Character Death. In other words the content is mature.    
Pairings/Characters:  Thundercracker, Prowl, Jazz, Soundwave, Skywarp, Starscream, Optimus Prime, Ravage, Rumble, Frenzy.   
Notes/Content:   Sequel to  [ Desperate Measures ](396332) .   I would suggest you read that first. =X Angst, angst, and more angst. And a lot of h/c too.    
Summary:  The Autobots win the war, but not everything is as it should be.   
Words:  4027   
Prompt:  None   
  
  
Thundercracker was recharging in front of the vid-screen by the time Prowl came home. It was a normal enough scene, and one he was used to greeting him as he arrived home. As much as things had changed some just stayed the same. Prowl watched him for a moment, trying to decide if he should leave him there or get him out of recharge and on to his own berth. It was a peaceful seeming recharge, a rare enough thing, which made his decision. They had enough time before their appointment for the seeker to rest a bit longer.     
  
Prowl smiled, watching the seeker’s face. He looked peaceful. Serene. More so than he ever did in his waking moments. Prowl found a measure of relief in that. His spark pulsed faster in his chest, and he forgot to ex-vent for the longest moment. He had been more than a little bit surprised when Thundercracker had chosen to stay with him. Surprised, but not upset. Far from it. Prowl had found that he liked to have the seeker there. More than liked it, if he was honest with himself. He was pleasant company, and even the silence, when there was silence, was somehow more comforting than not.     
  
Sometimes he wondered if he was just being selfish. He really didn’t want Thundercracker to leave. Prowl felt more than a bit guilty at the relief he had felt when the seeker had turned down his brothers’ offers to join them. Guilty, but not so much that he would ever bring it up again. In truth he never wanted the seeker to leave. Having him there made Prowl’s once sterile living space feel like a home.  More of a home than he had ever had since the war had started, and he found he could not bear it to end. he would do anything to make the seeker stay.  In truth he would have done anything for the seeker, period.    
  
He would do anything for him, and anything to make him feel better. Even, it would seem, attend his ornly therapy session. He found it frustrating, Thundercracker’s progress could be measured in inches rather than miles, and it was hard not to be angry with Smokescreen over it. He knew it was not his brother’s fault. He knew that his brother was the best that credits could buy, but it still left him feeling frustrated that things were not moving at a faster pace. As Smokescreen was want to say though, such things could not be rushed.   
  
OoOoOoOoOoOo   
  
Smokescreen watched as Prowl and Thundercracker entered his office. The jetformer’s anxiety was apparent. His wings twitched and fluttered, and the pain on his face was obvious.  Smokescreen steeled himself inside, and put a smile on his face, “Have a seat; Thundercracker, Prowl. It’s nice to see you.”     
  
The seeker nodded, and sat close to Prowl. Not far from clinging. Smokescreen nodded, pleased at least that the seeker was not cringing. Their early meetings had tugged at his spark in ways he could not show. “How are we doing today?”     
  
Thundercracker was silent for a long time. “I don’t know.” He vented loudly, his shoulders slumping, “I’ve been keeping up on the journal. Like you said I should. I guess it helps. Maybe. I don’t know. I---I talked to Skywarp today.” He shrunk into himself. “He said---He---”   
  
“Yes? What did he say?”   
  
“He’s going to have a newspark. I know I should be happy for him. I should be. But it just made me so mad. It’s not fair. He didn’t---He didn’t lose anyone and now....It’s just not fair. I know I should be happy for him. I love him. I really do.”   
  
Smokescreen nodded when the seeker fell silent, “But that isn’t the only thing bothering you?  What else is bothering you about the situation?”   
  
“Honestly? I’m jealous. It makes me so sick to feel that way. I should be happy for him. But he’s newly bonded, he has a newspark on the way. R-ravage made it through. He just...has everything, and I have nothing.”   
  
“It is perfectly normal to feel this way, you shouldn't feel guilty about it. Just remember you do have mechs that love and care for you. Starscream for one; he has had his own losses as well. There is also a group for creators who have lost their creations.” Smokescreen nodded, “And I know Prowl will be there for you. Communication is very important.” His optics settled on his brother.   
  
Thundercracker nodded, “That...that might help. It’s just sometimes hard to let it out. It hurts so much. I know in my processor that there was nothing that I could do. But I just can’t help but feel like I should have stopped them. I should have been able to stop the guards. I should have been able to stop them from being taken away. I shouldn’t have...just failed them like that.”    
  
Smokescreen watched the seeker’s reaction, “That is a normal reaction for your base programming. One of my creators was a seeker, I understand how protective they can be to their offspring.”   
  
Thundercracker straightened, “What?  I---see.” He gave Prowl a sideways glance, “Why didn’t you bother to tell me this?”   
  
Prowl blinked at him, “I didn’t think it was important.”   
  
“Of course it is.” Thundercracker said, turning his full attention on the Praxian, who seemed to squirm under that sudden regard. “It’s very unusual.”    
  
“But it’s not about me. Besides, I didn’t think you’d care to know that.” Prowl said, trying to steer the conversation away from him.   
  
“You are a very important part of my life, of course I want to know these things.” Thundercracker said in an almost defensive tone.   
  
Prowl frowned, and then shrugged uncomfortably under Thundercracker’s intense gaze. "What is there to tell? My carrier loved us, he took us flying. All and all a very normal younglinghood."   
  
“You were fortunate.”   
  
“In many ways. In some ways less so. My creator became a Decepticon out of loyalty to Starscream. He may have left Vos, but he was still loyal to the Prince.”   
  
Thundercracker blinked at him, “Who...?”   
  
“Clearsky, actually.”   
  
“Your carrier is one of the Rainmakers?” Thunder cycled his optics. “He always did brag about his offspring. We...ah....assumed that they were neutrals.” Thundercracker shook his head, completely distracted.   
  
Smokescreen raised a brow and wondered if he should bring the topic back on track, as amusing as all of this was. Instead he simply smiled, leaned back, and listened to their banter. It was interesting to watch them interact with each other. Very, very interesting.   
  
OoOoOoOoOoOo   
  
“Can I have a word?” Smokescreen asked, giving Prowl a significant look.     
  
Thundercracker watched them both, clearly fretting until Prowl placed a hand on his shoulder.  His nervously twitching wings calmed. “I---I will wait outside then.” He finally offered, giving his keeper a tremulous smile before slipping out the door.    
  
The door slid shut with a click, leaving the brothers in the room alone. Prowl stared at the door, his doorwings twitching in barely contained agitation. He did not know how to feel any more. “I don’t know why you keep implying it. Thundercracker and I are just friends. That’s all. We aren’t together. He doesn’t need that kind of complication right now. And no matter HOW I feel about him I’m not going to trick him into a relationship with me.”   
  
Smokescreen watched the seeker leave, and gave Prowl a hard look once he knew the seeker was out of audial range. “What do you mean you aren’t ‘together’? You live together. You take care of him. You clearly love him.” Prowl opened his mouth to argue, but the look Smokescreen gave him made any words that might have came out die on his glossa. “Our creator did not raise a fool, but you are surely acting one.”   
  
“We really aren’t though.” Prowl finally said.   
  
“Prowl...”   
  
“Smokey.” Prowl nearly squirmed under his brother’s regard. “How can I when I don’t...it probably isn’t what he even wants. He’s very confused.”   
  
“I think you are underestimating him. He’s an intelligent mech.” Smokescreen said. “He had ample chance to leave. Wasn’t he offered a place with either of his brothers?”    
  
“He was, but the programing cou---”   
  
Smokescreen snorted, “Keep telling yourself that, little brother.”    
  
Prowl pulled a face, “Is this going to be like the time you tried to set me up with Jazz? Because that went over really well?”   
  
Smokescreen shook his head, “Not my fault, squirt. Not my fault at all. That was all you. You didn’t commit and you lost out. And you are going to again if you don’t watch yourself.”   
  
“Damn it Smokey, he wanted a family. I couldn’t, I can’t...”   
  
“You can’t tell me you don’t want that yourself. I’ve seen how you watch Blue. You’ve always wanted a sparklet of your own. I know you. It wouldn't be a bad thing for either of you, eventually.  No one can replace the sparklet he lost.” Smokescreen said thoughtfully. “But he needs anchors here. He needs you too.”   
  
Prowl huffed, “Blue’s my only nephew, of course I worry for his safety. I worry for yours too. It’s not fair for a mechlet to only be raised by one creator like you raised Blue...just because I worry for him doesn’t mean I want one myself. You give the worst advice.”   
  
Smokescreen snorted not believing it for a moment, “Just love him and let him come to you.  Take it slow, and stop being a stupid aft.”    
  
OoOoOoOoOoOo   
  
They walked home, silently.  Prowl was relieved when they finally arrived back at their darkened home.  He had a lot to think about.  Too much.  He rolled about what his brother had said in his processor.  He looked at the jetfromer as he turned on the lights in the living area, and curled up on his usual spot on the couch.  He burrowed in, pulling the mesh blankets around him that he had dragged in from his berthroom.    
  
Prowl stood back, watching for a moment before gathering up his wits, and not a little bit of bravery. “I’m not going to recharge for a while, do you want to watch a vid?”    
  
Thundercracker’s optics brightened, “Yes, I would actually.”   
  
Prowl shot him a little smile, as he set up the vid, and finally sat down.  His attention on the seeker, rather than the vidscreen. Smokescreen had said to go slow. They were already moving at a glacial pace.  More by his choice than anything.   He was so scared that it was not what Thundercracker would want had he been in his right mind.  He wasn’t, that much was clear.  But he needed something to care about, something to bring him out of this.    
  
Thundercracker pulled the mesh closer to him, and leaned towards Prowl. Leaned, and then scooted over until he was curled against the other mech.  His system hummed and he let out a little ex-vent of contentment.   
  
Prowl froze, his eyes going to the vid playing out on the screen.   Starward  had always been his favourite drama. It was melodramatic in all the right ways, with enough humour thrown in to leave him smiling.  In this instance he could not concentrate to even enjoy it. Finally he forced himself to relax, and put an arm around the jetformer.  Maybe his brother was right.    
  
“I have not seen this since I was a mechlet.”  The seeker offered, his tone amused.  “It was my creator’s favourite.”   
  
Prowl smiled, “My creator was partial to it as well.  It is amazing what people stashed away and saved.”  He said, careful of the subject.   
  
“It is.” Thundercracker said, seemingly amused. “It brings back good memories though.  My creators really didn’t spend much time with us, honestly. They were always busy with---well---ruling Vos. So I suppose the time we did spend together was all the more precious.”    
  
Prowl drew concentric circle across the flat planes of the seeker’s wings as he considered Thundercracker’s story.  “My sire was busy.  He was an enforcer. My creator, well, he was always there.  As I said...I had a very normal sparklinghood.  As normal as they could make it for us. Creator did his best not to attract attention to himself.  I didn’t realise at the time how...odd our family was.”     
  
“Nothing wrong with it, really.  Somebots just have stupid prejudices.  And it’s not like that now. There are too few of us for it to be.”  Thundercracker said, his tone serious.   
  
Prowl nodded, ducking his head head and pretending to watch the vidscreen. “I’m glad you think so.”   
  
OoOoOoOoOoOo   
  
They settled into a pattern.  He would take Thundercracker to his appointments with Smokescreen once an orn. Sometimes sooner.  There were good days, and there were bad days, but the good days were slowly beginning to outnumber the bad. Slowly. It still gave Prowl hope.  Sometimes he was frustrated.  Sometimes Thundercracker was angry.  Prowl found the anger easier to deal with than the crying, at least. Not that he would ever admit it to the jetformer.  Things got thrown. Things got broken. But the Praxian took it in stride.  He picked up the pieces and they moved on. It was all progress forward for him. Forward to what, he was not entirely sure.     
  
“You look thoughtful today.” Thundercracker said, peering over Prowl’s shoulder at the datapad he was reading.      
  
Prowl raised a brow-plate, giving the seeker a mock-serious look. “Well, I found something I had stashed away...”   
  
Thundercracker quirked a brow. “Oh?”   
  
“It might make you laugh.”  The Praxian said, producing a datacube from his subspace, and walking over to the vidscreen, plugging it into the reader. He stepped back, pulling the seeker towards the couch as the image resolved itself.  Two sparklings giggling and pointing at whomever was recording the scene.  Thundercracker leaned forward, his optics fixed on the two little doorwingers.    
  
“You and Smokescreen?”   
  
Prowl chuckled, leaning against Thundercracker in an unconscious gesture. “Got it in one.”   
  
“You do realize I’m never going to be able to take him seriously any longer, right?”   
  
Prowl laughed again, “No? It’s not that bad.”   
  
“You were....adorable.”    
  
Prowl snorted. “And then I grew up.”   
  
Thundercracker watched the tiny little black and white Praxian squeal and run across the screen, only to be scooped up by a blue seeker.  ‘Carrier!’ The little Praxian squealed, as the seeker shot up in the air with his sparkling laughing in his arms, the video panning to follow his flight. ‘Do it again, do it again.’ the miniature Prowl squealed as the landed. ‘No, it’s my turn.’ an equally small Smokescreen laughed jumping up and down at the seeker’s peds. ‘Up! Please?’    
  
Thundercracker smiled. “You are still adorable, you really are.”   
  
OoOoOoOoOoOo   
  
Skywarp held the newspark close to his cockpit, and cooed at it.  He laughed when the newspark chirped back.  “Such a little scraplet.” Skywarp grinned, not noticing his own brother’s anguish as Thundercracker watched him.  “Aren’t you, sparklet?” Skywarp beamed and nuzzled his cheek against the newspark.     
  
The newspark was an adorable thing, Thundercracker would not argue against that, and already had the start of winglets on his back.  A seekerlet.  He remembered holding his own seekerlet at that age.  His spark contracted painfully at the thought.  He wanted one of his own, but no one could ever replace Ratbat. Never.   
  
“Would you like to hold Vivace?”    
  
Thundercracker’s wings trembled, but Skywarp did not seem to notice. “I would love to.”  He took the cooing sparkling from Skywarp, and held him as though he might break.  “Interesting name choice.” He finally said, looking down at the sparklet’s vibrant white optics.  They were decidedly un-seeker-like.    
  
“Jazz picked it out.  I’m naming the next one.”  He laughed.   
  
Thundercracker’s spark hurt. “You are planning on more?”   
  
“He has always wanted a big family.  I cannot say I’m adverse.”  Skywarp grinned and preened, “It will be a fun endeavour.”   
  
Thundercracker snorted, “Right.”  It was impossible not to feel green with envy. The newspark was the best of both of his creators.  Black, white, and purple.  His tiny frame already promising a measure of Jazz’s litheness.   
  
“There you two are.” Jazz said grinning madly.  “How goes it, Thundercracker?”    
  
“As well as can be.” Thundercracker said, handing the sparklet over to his sire. Jazz bounced the sparklet on his hip, a well practiced move in Thundercracker’s eyes.   
  
“Well, that’s good.  Starscream’s finally here. They will be up in a moment.”    
  
“Joy.” Thundercracker sighed, and wondered where Prowl had wandered off to.   
  
OoOoOoOoOoOo   
  
The seeker’s wings quivered, and not for the first time Prowl was scared for his well being. He had not been convinced that it would be a good idea for Thundercracker to meet the newspark, but he had insisted.  The quivering turned into outright sobs.  “Why---why am I such a horrible---why can’t I just be happy like they are?  I just...I have nothing and no one. And Starscream... he’s so fragging horrible! Laserbeak and Buzzsaw are gone and what? It doesn’t matter?  He’s too busy fragging Prime to even care.  I know that look in his optics.  It’s like he doesn’t even care that they died.”  He curled in on himself.  “He doesn’t care.  All he cares about is power and his place.  I hate him.”  He started to rip at the energon lines in his wrists, but only managed to make a small knick in one before Prowl grabbed at him.    
  
“No! Stop it.” Prowl said, his hands still wrapped tight around Thundercracker’s wrists. “Bots deal with grief differently.  I’m not saying you don’t have a right to be upset. You do...but this is tearing you to pieces. You aren’t alone.”   
  
Thundercracker vented loudly. “I am. You don’t want me.”   
  
“I don’t want you to do something you will regret.  As illogical as it is, I want you very much.”   
  
“You don’t have to lie to make me feel better.”    
  
“I have no reason to lie about it.” Prowl said patiently.  “I care about you.”   
  
“You feel responsible for what happened to us.”   
  
“I do.” Prowl nodded his assent. “But that doesn’t mean I want you because of it. I want you because you are you.”   
  
“I don’t want to be a burden.”  Thundercracker’s wings quivered.   
  
“You aren’t a burden.”  The Praxian sighed, his own wings quivering with contained emotion. “I love you, it’s hardly a burden to take care of someone you love.”   
  
“You---oh---really?” Thundercracker’s brow plate arched up.   
  
“I thought it was apparent, but I wanted to give you room to chose on your own.”   
  
Thundercracker gave him a pained look.  “I don’t need room.  I need you.”   
  
“My brother gives terrible advice sometimes.”   
  
The seeker let out a little noise that sounded suspiciously like a chuckle to Prowl. “He does.”   
  
Prowl pulled Thundercracker close, rubbing the edges of his wings. “I’m here for you, and if you decide you want more---I know I’m being selfish---Because I want more. I want you, and I want us to have a future together.”  The Praxian said in a rush, sounding more like Bluestreak than his stoic self.  Thundercracker would have said he was flustered, had anyone asked the state of the Praxian.    
  
OoOoOoOoOoOo   
  
Starscream watched his brother’s wings quiver.  He had never been good at hiding his anxiety.  “What gives, Thundercracker?  I haven’t seen you this twitchy since since we were in the detention center.”   
  
Thundercracker flinched at the snark.  “I’m---I---I’m just confused. I don’t know what to do.  He---he said he needs me. He just doesn’t want to push me, or make the decision for me. And it’s really just muddying the situation.”   
  
Starscream gave his brother a hard look and seemed to consider his words carefully. “That’s a good thing isn’t it?  He cares about you. It’s kinda...obvious.”  He shrugged, and a smug little smile inched on to his face. “It’s just that some bots are good and noble. You have to convince him otherwise.”   
  
"You're just saying that cause you and Wave are fragging Optimus." Thundercracker said pulling a face.    
  
“Was it that obvious?" Starscream asked, looking completely surprised, and blinking at Thundercracker for several moments.   
  
“No, not at all. It’s just that somebot would have to be blind to miss it.” Thundercracker smirked.   
  
Starscream laughed, shaking his head, “That is the brother I know and love. I wondered where he had wandered off to.  But seriously,” Starscream shifted uneasily and looked up at the vaulted ceiling before speaking again. “We are talking about bonding with him. He---he actually suggested it. And I find that I’m not adverse to it.”    
  
“You care...” Thundercracker said, not entirely surprised.     
  
“I didn’t expect to.  It---didn’t start out that way. I just thought he could protect us. But yes, I am. We are. Wave is more on board with it than I am, really.  He’s---just---”  he shrugged, “Sickeningly good.  Noble.” Starscream shook his head again, looking lost. “Everything I’m not, and he cares so much. He’s a lot like Megatron. So much, just don’t tell him I said so.  It makes it so easy to love him, and so hard at the same time.  He believes, and he’s passionate. Despite everything that has happened, the mess with the council...he’s still...he’s just Optimus, and he believes in me.”  Starscream looked up, his expression sober, and not a little bit wistful.  “And sometimes it makes me sick because he isn’t Megatron, and I love him anyway.  He won’t ever be Megatron, and maybe I can accept that.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not perfect by any stretch of the means, but Soundwave and I want to try.  I think we deserve some measure of happiness.  So do you. Just don’t settle.”   
  
Thundercracker bristled. “It’s not settling.  I love him.”   
  
Starscream smirked, taking his brother’s servo into his own and giving it a squeeze. “Then there’s your answer.”   
  
OoOoOoOoOoOo   
  
Smokescreen smiled encouragingly at the seeker over the top of the datapad. “How do you feel about the situation?”   
  
“Now...I feel better. Honestly. There are still some hard cycles.  I guess it will always be like that.  But I feel more in control.”   He vented loudly.   “I can’t change what happened, and I can’t bring them back. I understand that now. I can’t dwell on the past, it isn’t healthy.”    
  
Smokescreen nodded, “It sounds like you’ve made a lot of progress this orn, is there anything you want to focus on in this session?”   
  
Thundercracker sat back, “I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress.  I feel, and this may sound stupid, like I’ve finally been about to forgive myself.  I’m not happy about what happened, I will never be, but I realize that there was nothing I could do to prevent it.”   
  
“No, it doesn’t sound stupid at all.”  Smokescreen smiled.     
  
Thundercracker nodded, “And...my relationship with Prowl. I feel like it’s finally resolved itself. I don’t feel so confused about my feelings for him.  He---he finally opened up, I guess. It makes things easier.  Less confusing.  I don’t want him to be a crutch for me...and my problems. But knowing someone cares for me as much as I care for them...it makes things bearable.  I don’t feel so alone anymore.”   
  
“It sounds like you have been working through a lot of things this orn.”   
  
Thundercracker nodded, his optics twinkling, “And Prowl showed me the most amusing vid...”   
  
Smokescreen blinked at him several times, as he recalled the vid he had recently given his brother as a present. He was silent a long time, as if considering his options, “Oh, I see...well...it looks like our session is up this cycle.”   
  
Thundercracker smirked as he got up, and laughed all the way out the door.   
  
  
A/N-   
1\. The title comes from John Dryden’s  [ Palamon and Arcite: ](http://www.online-literature.com/dryden/3173/)   
Yet these and all the rest I could endure;  
 But love's a malady without a cure:  
 Fierce Love has pierced me with his fiery dart,  
 He fires within, and hisses at my heart.   
2\. Rainmakers in this instance: Acid Storm, Clearsky (blue), Stormfront (yellow).


End file.
